Recovering from Recovering

Why are vacations so darn inconvenient? We run around like wild, decapitated poultry and then a vacation comes- a supposed break from the wild, decapitated poultry dance- and we continue to run around doing everything we can to make up for what the non-vacation time takes from us. Admittedly, I loved being back in Utah for the Christmas vacation but it was a pretty wild time.

As the vacation drew to a close I was excited to get back to the grind and be my own man again. No more mooching off mommy and daddy, driving their cars, sleeping at their house, and eating their food. Of course my parents were totally awesome and provided an incredible two weeks to us, free of charge, and even nursed us back to health after a battle with the flu for the first week. I would never want to sound ungrateful, but coming home sounded amazing by the end.

Little did I suspect the nightmare that was lurking in Kansas City, Missouri, waiting for our tiny plane to land. The miserable creature first took the form of an obnoxiously busy airport. Then, after about two hours of luggage recovery and bus riding, we were confronted by the more hideous and evil form of the creature- ECONOMY PARKING!!! Over the past two weeks our hopelessly impractical car was surrounded by a thirteen inch (because 13 is unlucky) wall of ice and snow, left lovingly by the airport plow people. We hurried and shoved the luggage and the women into the car and turned up the heat. I valiantly stayed outside to brave the 3 degree weather and fight the beast with our stroller. Thankfully, the stroller lasted just long enough for me to chisel enough snow and ice away for us to make it out of the parking spot after an hour or so. Sadly, the stroller lost a wheel in the battle. A ceremony is planned and a memorial ought to be constructed at a later date to recognize the selflessness of said stroller. We then had the privilege of paying the airport for the fun and games.

Confident that the beast had been effectively pummeled, we headed toward Kirksville. No sooner had we merged onto the freeway than the steering wheel began to shimmy and shake. We took the car into the city and I thought to get new tires to replace the smooth rubber circles that are being used as tires now, along with a balancing to fix the shimmy. I thought wrong! They wanted $850 for four new tires. "I might as well buy a second car," I said snootily. Balancing was only $40 so I did that and the problem was fixed! The beast was defeated and would only gather up enough energy to freeze Kirksville for a week and get me stuck in my own driveway, forcing me to miss a lab and a quiz. Needless to say, the beast and I are not talking and hopes that our relationship will improve before spring are dismally low.

My first week back to school was pretty pathetic. I had the energy and the motivation to attend a handful of lectures aside from the required labs. I was so excited to be back to school and yet I skipped out a lot and spent the time hanging out with Ash and Boppy all week. I have officially awarded myself "The Worst Medical Student of the Week." Sadly, I'm not sure a lesson will be learned because we don't have any tests until next week, giving me ample time to cover up my week of laziness as if it had never happened.

This leaves me asking myself, "what made me lose the motivation?" The material that we are learning is exciting, valid, and very important. The professors are well rested and enthusiastic. We have our own car, house, food, and everything else that we were stealing from my family for a fortnight. What the heck happened??

I have only one theory. I hate winter. Most people don't know me to be depressed or even sad for more than an hour or two, but winter gets to me. The shorter days, the absence of green, the biting cold, the treacherous snow and ice, all add up to make Eric a sad little boy. Winter makes me feel imprisoned. It is as if the cold motivates me to stay home and sleep winter away, to wait for spring to come wake me up. Like it is stalking outside, ready to steal my motivation for the day like a bully stealing my pillowcase of Halloween candy.

My seasonal depression fights dirty. I have developed a disdain for depression and any other feeling that could ruin my day. Therefore I have mastered the art of denial and ignorance to my own unhappiness. The winter comes and freezes my otherwise blazing inferno of energy and my brain can't admit that anything has changed, leaving me confused. I argue with my body that I want to go to school and I explain the importance for studying. But the body makes an apparently strong counter-argument and I stay in bed or skip a lecture. Happens to me EVERY winter!

Not to worry, though. I have a plan. For the next few months (pray that winter lasts only a few more months) I plan on changing my opinion of winter. I need to adopt a healthy, positive opinion of winter or we will always have this issue. I don't have the luxury of escaping to the islands or the misfortune of living in dusty, ugly Arizona (no offense to you cactus and dust lovers). So, I need to buck up and thank the planet for pointing a few degrees away from the sun for part of the year. I need to step outside and say, "Man, this cold air makes me feel alive!" and possibly do a sort of dancing-skipping hybrid as I shovel my way to my iced-over car. Isn't perspective everything in life?

As a final thought, Peter Jeppson, the father of a friend of mine, posted a quote on Facebook a week or so ago. "Prioritize. A wise man said that we too often become caught up in the thick of thin things." It is something that a one-track minded, procrastinating fellow such as myself ought to keep in mind this year. Also, my next post will be exponentially more medical school oriented! Apologies!